That’s it for another decade (Depending on your views, but it’s easier to say we started at year 0 so just go with it). Roughly for every 25 movies that come out, you get one real manly movie. A movie that leaves men absolutely pumped after watching and leaves the less manly people in the theatre horrified.

There have been a lot of badass movies to come out recently. The new Rambo was full of explosions and sweet bad-guy killings, however; it lacked a decent story line. How does John Rambo even become a poisonous snake catcher? Would anyone other than the staff at the Man Institute be able to pick off multiple heavily armed enemies with a bow and arrow? Probably not. The Saw series was also pretty manly. The gore and shock factor are there, but what Saw truly needs to spend some cash on are some half decent actors.

The following movies are guaranteed to appeal to any manly man (And the cooler women). They are everything men look for in a movie plus good acting and a decent plot. They are the top 15 manly movies of the decade.

15. Snatch (2000, Guy Ritchie)

Stealin’ Stones and Breakin’ Bones

Snatch is set in London’s criminal underworld and the plot consists of two main intertwining stories, one dealing with the search for a massive diamond, the other with a boxing promoter named Turkish who gets himself into considerable trouble with a maladjusted gangster called Brick Top. Intermingled with these main plotlines are petty thugs, pikeys, Russian gangsters, heavies, yardies, and a plethora of colourful characters designed to take us on a violent yet jocular journey through the London criminal experience. 

 Following Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Ritchie develops his unique style of editing, use of language, and black humour in his best movie to date (arguably his only good movie to date).  His use of fast cuts, kinetic jumps, and shot-reverse-shot throughout the movie gives it a fast paced feeling and adds to the underlining comedy.

The characterisation is highly effective. Two of the best performances are that of Brad Pitt and Alan Ford who create the most memorable scenes throughout the movie. Pitt plays Mikey, an Irish pikey and bare-knuckle boxer, to a tee, and Ford gives a menacing yet hilarious performance as Brick Top, who’s favourite means of disposing people is by feeding them to pigs (“hence the expression, as greedy as a pig”).

 Ritchie’s use of vernacular, particularly the cockney rhyming slang, and of course Mikey the pikey’s distinctive brog (“D’yalikedags?”) adds to the overall humour. Brick top’s one liners throughout the movie are frequent and well executed, making him the self appointed prophet of the underworld.

“Do you know what Nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by a horrible cunt…..me”. 

Overall Snatch is an action packed, witty and violently slick movie, definitely one for the boys.

14. 28 Days Later (2002, Danny Boyle)

His fear began when he woke up alone. His terror began when he realised he wasn’t.

Of all the zombie movies of the last decade (and there has been a lot!) 28 Days Later is hands down the best one. The plot depicts the breakdown of society following the accidental release of a highly contagious virus, and focuses upon the struggle of four survivors.

 Harking back to many an 80’s horror motif, Boyle presents a self-reflexive gore fest where the virus unleashed upon society is aptly named “rage”.

The lead protagonist, Jim (Cillian Murphy), wakes up from a coma in a London hospital to find the city is empty. In a visually astounding scene Jim explores the empty streets, and the feeling of isolation is empathically thrust upon the audience. The stillness and emptiness of these shots magnify the horror of what will come later. This horror is not simply the hoards of ravenous zombies that inhabit the city, but their innovative celerity. That’s right, these monsters can move.

Unlike the creatures we’ve seen in previous zombie movies, the un-dead in 28 days can run. Fast. The most nail biting example of this in a scene in which the survivors’ car stops inside a dark tunnel. As they are vigorously trying to change a tire, an army of rats plough through the tunnel giving a clear indication that something is chasing them. The panic and tension that ensues is edge of your seat entertaining and is just one of the many chilling scenes throughout.

 Described as a post-apocalyptic horror, the film is encapsulated by the graffiti the characters witness during their struggle to survive

 Repent. The end is extremely fucking nigh.

13. The Animatrix (2003, Lots of people!)

Everything that has a beginning has an end.

The Animatrix is a series of nine short anime films that tie into the 1999 blockbuster The Matrix and its sequels.

Development of this project began when the Wachowski brothers (the film series writers and directors) were in Japan promoting the first instalment of The Matrix trilogy.  In Japan, the brothers visited some of the creators of the anime movies that had influenced their work and decided to collaborate with them.

The result was the following nine anime shorts which were intended as further explanations of the franchise.

1. The Second Renaissance, Part 1 (June 3, 2003)
2. The Second Renaissance, Part 2 (June 7, 2003)
3. Kid’s Story (June 14, 2003)
4. Program (June 21, 2003)
5. World Record (July 5, 2003)
6. Beyond (July 12, 2003)
7. A Detective Story (August 30, 2003)
8. Matriculated (September 20, 2003)
9. Final Flight of the Osiris  (September 27, 2003)

Each short depicts a variation in style from CGI, to anime, to traditional animation.

If you (like me) enjoyed the Matrix but thought the sequels were very weak then don’t worry this collective stands on its own and is well worth a watch.

12. Scratch (2001, Doug Pray.)

The Djs who take music into the 21^st century

Scratch is a feature length documentary about hip hop djing, also known as turntablism.

Starting in the South Bronx in the 1970s, Pray tracks the development of the art form through to the present, by interviewing the best of the best in the industry.

 It is the story of the essentially unknown artists who have dramatically changed the way we listen to, play and create music. It covers all the components of Hip Hop from battling, digging and creating, to production and distribution.

Even if you aren’t a fan of Hip Hop this documentary is worth seeing if only to witness the passion and determination of these artists and more impressively, the talent that comes from such dedication.

 

11. Superbad (2007, Greg Mottola.)

Come Get Some

Superbad is a ground breaking comedy created by the Judd Apatow crew, who are also responsible for 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Funny People. Produced by Judd Apatow and Shauna Robertson, written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg and directed by Greg Mottola, Superbad follows the adventures of Seth and Evan, two unpopular high school kids who embark on a mission to supply the alcohol for an end of school party with the potential to de-virginise them, courtesy of their respective love interests, Jules and Becca.

 In synopsis it sounds like a run of the mill coming of age comedy, but the use of outrageous comedy and its skilful balance of sincerity and tastelessness make it one of the best movies of the decade.

Some prime examples of his unique comedic skill are, the girl “perioding” onto Seth’s leg (“you got a stain too, we’re blood brothers”), which incidentally is a true story from Apatow’s teenage years, the drawing dicks scene where Seth recounts his youthful obsession with draw penises on everything (the actual drawings in the movie are hilarious particularly the dick riding the bomb a la Dr. Strangelove, genius.), and the boob punch scene where Evan accidentally punches Becca is an awkward and hilarious moment which is very true to life.

 What really makes the movie is Jonah Hill. This is one of the first movies where the spotlight is on him and he proves his talents with the funniest conceivable one-liners ever. Here are just a few;

“Well Jules the funny thing about my back is, it’s located on my cock”

“She wants to fuck me; she wants my dick in or around her mouth”

“She looked me in the eyes and said Seth, Mamma’s making a pubey salad and I need some Seth’s own dressing”.

Funny stuff. If you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t seen this, check it out today.

10. Some kind of Monster (2004, Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky)

The film that redefines group therapy

This is a documentary about Metallica filmed 2001-2003 during the creation of their 2003 album, St.Anger. It is an in-depth portrait of the most successful metal band of all time. The finished product is tumultuous to say the least, and ironically on a list of the top manly movies, this documentary on hard core heavy metalers has the least manly content of the lot.

The documentary covers the struggles the band face as a unit, the difficulty of the creative process, and most of all the personalities of its members. The most dramatic being James Hetfield (lead singer) and Lars Ulrich (drummer). The band has been around for many years and it is clear that during this time they’ve experienced at lot of up and downs and have now come out the other side with a lot of issues.

Watching the documentary it is clear that Metallica (James in particular) are not the young and talented hell raisers they once were. They are now in their forties with families and immune systems to worry about, and the conflict these responsibilities cause with the desire to create an album worthy of their history, results in a kind of regression the likes of which I’ve never seen before. It comes across as if after years of touring infused with sex, drugs, and rock and roll, the boys are now much older, and suddenly sober rubbing their eyes in the face of reality and baffled when things don’t go their way.

 Due to the consistent arguments between its members, Metallica’s management decide to hire a “performance enhancing coach” who is realistically a therapist. Watching these hard core guys working with a therapist is so uncomfortable it’s like seeing Fedor Emelianenko come into the ring wearing a tutu. Saying that, it makes excellent viewing that’ll make you cringe, laugh, and then cringe again.

It becomes most entertaining when the therapist starts to over evaluate his importance, and makes suggestions for the new album!

Over-all the documentary tells the story of Metallica in detail and there’s is no doubt that they have accomplished a hell of a lot since they got together. This along with the portrayal of their current struggles and past losses really makes the viewer route for them all the way through.

However, the result of all their struggles is hugely disappointing. St. Anger is an album which exposes Metallica’s deterioration and makes you wonder if it might be a good idea for James to throw caution to the wind and “chop his breakfast on a mirror” again to recapture what once was!

 

9. Donnie Darko (2001, Richard Kelly)

Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

Quite possibly the biggest cult movie of the decade (which sort of makes it inaccurate to call it cult but let’s not get bogged down by semantics), Donnie Darko tells the story of a disturbed, or possibly enlightened teenager who befriends a 6 foot rabbit named Frank that warns him of the earth’s looming destruction.

The story centres on the existence of alternate realities and the manipulation of fate. Director Richard Kelly describes it as follows: “ (it’s) the story of Holden Caulfield (The Catcher in the Rye) resurrected in 1988 by the spirit of Philip K Dick (science fiction writer) who was always spinning yarns about schizophrenia and drug abuse breaking the barriers of space and time. Or it’s a black comedy foreshadowing the impact of the 1988 presidential election, which is really the best way to explain it. But first and foremost, I wanted the film to be a piece of social satire that needs to be experienced and digested several times”. To elaborate on Kelly’s thoughts would be futile considering the complexity of the movie but overall the film is dark, thoughtful and surprisingly entertaining, definitely worth a watch if not five.

 

8. Man on Wire (2008, James Marsh)

1974. 1350 feet up. The artistic crime of the century.

Man on Wire makes the cut as a manly movie due to the sheer balls of its subject.  It is a documentary covering the amazing feat of Philippe Petit, a tight rope walker who managed (illegally) to walk across a wire spanning the twin towers in 1974.

Director Marsh describes the story as a “heist movie” which is apt considering the astonishing feat Petit and his crew underwent. They managed to carry all the heavy equipment to the top of the towers undetected (in one instance Philippe and one of his accomplices hide from a night-watchman under a sheet and have to stay perfectly still or else the entire operation will be foiled) and successfully set up the wire which Philippe would walk, dance, kneel, and lie on the following day, in an event considered “the artistic crime of the century”. The documentary covers Philippe’s life up until that point, the friends who helped him on the way and the controversy following the event.

A thoroughly inspirational piece of cinema.

 

7. American Psycho (2000, Mary Harron)

Evil never looked so damn good.

Christian Bale plays Patrick Bateman, a cocky asshole who works in the mergers and acquisitions section of his father’s Wall Street firm. Patrick is the epitome of vanity and spends hours perfecting himself with a deranged schedule of working out, moisturising, exfoliating, and applying every hair, skin, and body lotion known to man.

 As well as his metro-sexual regime, he competes with his equally vapid Wall Street friends like a greasy peacock for success, money, and status. The most memorable of these competitions is in a scene where they compare business cards. The cards (which all look exactly the same) are paraded one by one, each apparently more impressive than the last. Bateman’s reaction to his rival’s card (“look at that subtle off white colouring, the tasteful thickness of it, oh my god, it even has a watermark”) is extreme. His hands shake; he begins to sweat, and drops the card onto the table in horror. This reaction is indicative of his personality, his ultimate need to triumph which fuels the bloodshed throughout the remainder of the movie.

American Psycho is no ordinary serial killer movie. The witty dialogue (a perfect example of this is his theory on Genesis), high class environment, and stunning scenes (i.e. the naked chainsaw chase) make it one of the best movies of the decade and one of Bales best performances (even if there wasn’t a lot of acting involved for this pissy upstart of a character).

 

6. The Dark Knight (2008, Christopher Nolan)

You die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain

The second instalment in the Batman franchise and undoubtedly one of the most epic movies of the decade, The Dark Knight is one of the most visually emotive films of all time.

Nolan leans heavily on the environment in which his movie was created, each scene is aptly steeped in darkness, and the theme of uncertain future hangs in the air throughout. I won’t give a synopsis for this one as I don’t think there any many people who haven’t seen it already, but what I will say is this movie is a powerful one. The characters are portrayed impeccably, the set designs are unsurpassable and the overall impact of the movie on the viewer (especially in the cinema) is unforgettable.

 

5. Requiem for a Dream (2000, Darren Aronofsky)

From the director of [Pi]

Described by Matthew Turner as “The feel bad movie” of 2000, Requiem is a movie about addiction. It centres on four characters that come up against various hooks and illustrates their struggle to succeed. The lead protagonists are Harry (Jared Leto), his friend Tyrone (Marlon Wayans), his girlfriend Marion (Jennifer Connelly), and his mother Sara (Ellen Burstyn). Each protagonist goes to self destructive lengths to satisfy their addictions, and the scenes move through the seasons symbolically demonstrating the characters gradual demise.

Harry and Tyrone fight a losing battle with heroin addiction causing Harry to inject so much that a black hole forms on his arm, this affliction worsens as the movie continues. It’s truly stomach churning. 

Marion prostitutes herself so that she can obtain the drug she needs. The scenes in which she sells herself are extreme.

The most shocking result of addiction in the movie is the effect Sara’s diet pills have on her. She experiences hallucinations involving her refrigerator, and is generally un-naturally wired throughout the movie. Her condition deteriorates rapidly as it progresses and where this character ends her journey is one of the most unnerving pieces of cinema ever.

The soundtrack to the movie is also very powerful. Its use of sharp string instruments creates a cold and discomforting sound that mirrors the movie perfectly.

The disturbing imagery and shocking actions of Requiem’s characters often makes it difficult to watch, it’s the kind of chilling portrayal that stays with you for a long time afterwards.

Not for the faint hearted.

4. The Departed (2006 Martin Scorcese)

Lies. Betrayal. Sacrifice. How far will you take it?

The Departed is an American crime remake of the 2002 film Infernal Affairs. It tells the story of Billy Costigan (Leonardo Di Caprio) who joins the force and is assigned to infiltrate a criminal organisation run by Frank Costello. Simultaneously, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon), another cop, has been groomed by Costello from a young age and acts as his eyes and ears within the force. Initially unaware of each other, they dig deeper into their roles and eventually begin to struggle with the separation of their real identities from their fake personas. 

This is a compelling drama with the gritty authenticity and uncertain morality that has characterised Scorsese’s uber-masculine oeuvre. Featuring impressive performances from Di Caprio, Damon, Mark Warlberg, Jack Nicholson and I can’t believe I’m about to type, Alec Baldwin (!). The casting team did an outstanding job here, and the results are a witty, natural ensemble with a chemistry that jumps off the screen. 

The soundtrack is one of the best movie soundtracks in existence. It was even famously praised by Tony and Chris in the Sopranos.

As a whole the movie combines violence, deception and humour to create one of the most compelling movies of the decade, and the one that finally won Scorsese his first well-deserved Oscar.

3. The Wrestler (2008, Darren Aronofsky)

Love. Pain. Glory.

This is a drama about an aging wrestler decades past his prime called Randy the Ram (Mickey Rourke). With his professional career essentially over, Randy struggles to come to terms with life outside the ring by working at a grocery store, pursuing a stripper (Marisa Tomei-best nude scene of the decade, Total Film) he has fallen for, and trying to reconcile with his estranged daughter.

The punishment Randy puts his body through in and out of the ring is graphic. In his first match he puts a small piece of a razor blade in his wrist bandages, in which later he uses to cut himself on the forehead to draw blood, making the match more dramatic for the fans. Later in the movie, he and his opponent, use various weapons on each other, including thumbtacks, staple guns, barbed wire and glass.

Randy’s path changes when he’s offered a high profile rematch with his 80’s rival “The Ayatollah”. He accepts hoping that this may be his ticket back to stardom.

It may seem like a dated premise, but with the punch of Rourke’s acting (which is highly self-reflexive) and the arresting portrayal of pro wrestling, this movie is certainly one of the toughest contenders of the decade.

If you like the Wrestler please check out Beyond the Mat (2000) a documentary about pro wrestling that gives further insight into the complex world the fighters inhabit.

 

2. Borat (2006, Larry Charles)

Come to Kazakhstan, It’s Nice!

Jagshemash! Borat, or to give it its full title, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, is quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. It’s a mockumentary and the kind of movie where you miss some of the jokes because you’re still laughing from the ones before them. The star of the movie and creator of Borat,Sasha Baron Cohen, is a genius. He uses the character of Borat to expose the ignorance and prejudices that still exist in our society.

The most shocking of such displays takes place at a rodeo where Borat addresses a crowd of Americans with a statement on their “War of terror”. He states:  “May George Bush drink the blood of every single man woman and child of Iraq” to rapturous applause from the audience.

Baron Cohen has balls of steel and stays in character throughout the making of the movie. In an interview with Rolling Stone he tells of an instance during filming where he was stopped by the secret service and managed to remain Borat without getting arrested!

The most memorable scene (unfortunately) is Borat’s naked brawl with his obese producer! The positions they land themselves in are disgusting yet hilarious and the hilarity heightens when the brawl spills into a full convention room.

This movie has been followed by law suits from its participants, official complaints from the Kazakhstani government, and rave reviews from critics. 

Hilarious, shocking, and sometimes utterly disgusting.

I like!

1.Old Boy (2003, Chan-wook Park)

15 years of imprisonment, five days of vengeance

This film had to make it as the manliest movie of the decade on pure shock value. The plot revolves around Dae-su (Min-sik Choi) a onetime alcoholic loser who wakes up one morning locked into a room he’s never seen before. For fifteen years he is imprisoned without knowing why or by whom. He spends the time watching television, training his body rigorously, and writing in his journal trying to figure out why he was there.

Just as abruptly as he was captured, Dae-su is set free on the rooftop of a building with a new suit of clothes and his prison diaries.

He then meets Mi-do (Kang Hye-jeong), a girl who works in a sushi bar; she takes pity on Dae-su after he collapses with a high fever and takes him in.

A man called Woo-jin (Yu Ji-tae) contacts Dae-su, and claims to be the one who imprisoned him. He offers to play a game with him: find out why all this happened to him in the next five days. If he fails, Mi-do will die. If he succeeds, Woo-jin will kill himself.

The events that follow contain the most jaw dropping moments in cinematic history. Pulling teeth with a claw hammer, eating live octopus, and the graphic removal of a tongue, make this movie one for the strong stomached.

The ending (which I won’t give away) is hands down the most powerful twist this decade.

Mind blowing.

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