There’s no getting around it: The economy sucks. Unemployment is through the roof and every aspect of daily life is affected by it. One of the first casualties of pursestring-tightening is the gym membership. What was once taken for granted is now an unaffordable luxury. And it doesn’t help that bacon is the last casualty. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t ways to keep in shape on the cheap. Here are five ideas that’ll make sure that even though you may be down on tough times, no one will kick sand in your face.

5. Volunteer. There are opportunities all around us, from washing the feet of the elderly to building cinderblock churches in developing nations to mopping dog poop at the local animal shelter. Not only are all these activities better for cardiovascular health than sitting on the divan watching stories and eating pint after pint of Chubby Hubby, you’re building karma… and once you finally get hired for that middle management position, you’re going to need all the karma you can get.

4. Take up a hobby. Building junk sculptures, carving menhirs, collecting anvils… There are countless ways to take up a new interest that will also keep your glutes toned and your abs washboardy. As an added benefit, you can put your creations for sale online and buy xenical, or you could join a group of similarly-interested individuals and make new friends. Don’t forget the onion dip!

3. Run. Yeah. I know. It’s obvious. The problem for many of us, though, is that when we’re feeling down on ourselves, it’s hard to get motivated to exercise regularly. Here’s a tip to make sure you’ll get out of the house and keep those quads a-pumpin’: Call the Jehova’s Witnesses, the Scientologists, and those people who believe that aliens took them to the mothership and put tubes up the their butts and tell them you’d like a representative to come over in the morning to explain the benefits of joining their church.

2. Embrace chaos. Research has shown that if you try to confuse your muscle memory, you can maximize your workout, so confound them with a variety of intensive activities: One half hour playing the crazy breakdancing street preacher followed by an afternoon of calisthenics at the playground* (nothing tones those lats like the monkey bars), and ending up by crashing the seniors mixer at the Snake Handlers’ church. Your muscles won’t know what hit ‘em!

*Do not attempt this if you are not a parent. While you could end up with free daily gym time, you may be over-qualified to for a part-time job stamping out license plates.

1. Get Serious. Normally, lists like these end up with the funniest joke at number one. I could suggest you start a Fight Club at the local unemployment office or get your fitness black belt by painting fences and waxing on & off, but being out of work sucks and there’s not much funny about it*. Here’s the best tip I can give you: Stay active. Not only does it keep your mind sharp, but studies show that just plain moving around as much as possible during daily life is the key to good physical health. Good luck and good health.

*Unless you were fired because you had photocopied your junk just one time too many.

Written by Al Natanagara.
Al Natanagara  is an accomplished writer with 18 years of multimedia, editorial, and managerial experience in companies including ZDNet, CNet, and CBS TV. He is diligent, creative, and reliable with broad technical, investigative, and problem-solving skills.  Currently, he is an Editorial Manager for Media Shower productions, writing, editing, and illustrating content for a variety of sites most currently for  AccessRx.