I would like to introduce you to Simo Hayha, a Finnish sniper who single handedly struck fear into the entire Soviet military during the “Winter War” of 1939.

Born near the present day Russian and Finnish border, Simo entered the military in 1925 leaving his job as a farmer, to serve his country and eventually terrify the Soviets. What’s so scary about this guy you ask? Afterall he was only 5 foot 3, how terrifying could he be? He’s scary enough that his enemies labelled him as “white death”, and truly believed that he was untouchable.

Simo proved to be so untouchable in fact that he is credited for upwards of 700 Soviet kills, all accomplished in -20 to -40 degree celsius, with the use of a non-telescopic sight. So untouchable that he is noted to have killed one Soviet for every daylight hour in the middle of the winter. So untouchable that the Soviets deployed counter snipers and artillery strikes for the sole purpose of destroying “White Death”. Needless to say the closest the Soviets came to killing Simo with their artillery strikes left the back of his coat torn by shrapnel, and the rest of him unharmed.

For awhile, Simo ran around behind enemy lines destroying Soviets like it was a day off. For all you Halo players out there, you would consider Simo a “goddamn camper” who racked up enough “headshots” to make you want to puke. Eventually though, some lucky ass Commie managed a shot on Simo, caught him through the jaw and through his left cheek. Once the bullet cleared his head, he promptly retrieved his rifle and killed his attacker like a real man should.

Unfortunately the bullet that struck Simo was the end of his kill streak. He entered a coma for a little while, eventually waking around the same time peace had been declared and the war was ending. Not to be one to sit around and do nothing, this man was immediately promoted at a speed never seen before in the Finnish military. Simo immediately began hunting moose and also became a successful dog breeder after his recovery. Word is, he was still an excellent shot.

After surviving a bullet to the face, and tearing the Soviets apart, Simo lived till the ripe old age of 96 in another small town near the Russia/Finland border. For his excellence in manliness and his ability to wreak havoc like a champion, Simo deserves a 10.