Published on May 15th, 2009 | by Mike33
Why MAC Does Not Equal MAN
I’m sure nobody has missed it, the iRevolution that is. See how I did that? The little i and capital R, I did it because I’m hip, and I’m cool, and I am everything a PC is not. I also did it because I spend my afternoons sitting in the trendy coffee shops, greasing my disgusting dreads and tearing holes in my extra small black jeans. Casually sipping 6$ lattes and sporting a t-shirt illustrating some local unknown band, soon to make it big. I do realize that I am an art student (pre-unemployed) and that I should in no way be able to afford the ridiculously over priced coffee I am drinking, let alone the Mac book on the table or the iPod in my ear. Luckily for me I am a self entitled spoiled wannabe hipster who’s mommy and daddy have enough money to dish out the cash for all the overpriced Apple products I can handle, making me the envy of all my attention starved friends.
Alright, I would take back the first paragraph, but I mean it. Well, I don’t mean it in a literal way, I’m really not talking about myself for those who didn’t pick up on the sarcasm, I’m the goddamn co-founder of the Man Institute for christ sakes. Not only am I sick of the ridiculous Mac commercials, I am sick of Mac owners constantly rubbing it in my face. Saying things like “PC’s are out of date” or “get with the trends” or even “punch me in the mouth because I’m such a big fucking idiot I deserve to be run through a wood chipper.” I will start with my personal reasoning for hating Macs, although I am sure it will mean nothing to you Mac fanboys. Eventually I will get into the real reasons why Macs can suck my dick.
- I don’t want to be associated with a bunch of Mac using wieners. It’s like a mini religion, only with fewer idiots.
- I don’t feel like paying ridiculously over priced costs for something that doesn’t out perform a regular PC.
- I hate people who follow trends to a t, thinking they’re following excellence only to be let down when they find out what they have is an overpriced paperweight.
- I don’t want to have to defend my Mac using to my other manly friends who know Macs blow goats.
- I don’t feel like taking a course to learn how to use the goddamn thing.
- It looks like shit. As far away from unique as possible and they still defend it’s uniqueness.
- Safari sucks dick for a living. www.safarisucks.com
- I don’t want to accidentally blow on the piece of shit to hard and have it fall to pieces.
Now, for the real reasons why Mac sucks, and why Mac users are the second most annoying people on the planet. Followed closely by children.
For those of you who are too lazy to click the links and read (likely Mac users) I have included a few excerpts from the articles;
PCs Are Better For Games. Macs have, for some reason, have never been very good to gamers — games on the Mac have largely been an afterthought while Microsoft is balls-deep in its Xbox experiment
You can’t build a Mac easily, and you can’t really customize them, either — not unless you want to invalidate your warranty. They’re like fancy sports cars run on a single computer chip, fixable only at your dealer for a set price
Ever notice how most Mac users are skinny? It’s because of all the calories they burn because they can’t shut the fuck up about how great their Macs are. What is it about Apple that makes its users unable to shut their mouths?
I don’t know why Mac users get so defensive when you call them idiots. I mean, Apple is a company that has built its entire user base around the fact that its users can’t do simple things like turn their computers on.
Apple makes a huge point about the easability of configuring an internet connection on a mac. All new Windows versions come with just as easy to use guides for connecting to the internet with modem, lan or anything else. They also brag about such obvious tools of communication like email, favorites and contacts. Yes Apple, this is really new and hot stuff, you are indeed innovative. Or maybe not.
So what have we learned from these 10 points that Apple provides for the potential buyer. We have learned that Apple likes to tell their future customers that the mac is built on technology they probably already are using on their PCs. They also lure the extremely naive buyers with words like internet, word-processing and cd-burning.
Below is a video providing some informative anti-mac information. Naturally they are all spoofs of that garbage Mac commercial starring that dork from “Dodgeball”.
The Man Institute is only interested in embracing a more manly future for our civilization. In creating the Mac, Apple has inadvertently created a lifelong nemesis.
Let the hate mail flow.